Friday December 21 - TWSS

I will make this short and sweet because I am sure we all have families we want to get back and share silly stories of the years past. Ok this story comes from a discussion of lunch at work. We were deciding whether or not Chipotle or Qdoba was better for burritos. Josh who is a hardcore Chipotle burrito fan said there was nothing better then Chipotle. His reason was this:

Josh: They have bigger ones
Me: Thats What She Said
Josh: I like meat better too
Me: Thats What She Said

At this point Frese decides to join the arguement and set the record straight.
Frese: I think that its a toss up for whos is bigger
Me: Thats What She Said
Frese: But I also like their (Chipotle) meat
Darvick: Thats What She Said

Well I guess we will never end this great debate. Until next time. Have a happy kwanza and a merry christmas and may all your wishes and dreams come true.

Friday December 14 - TWSS

This week we have two stories that I would like to share with you. The first is not for our younger readers. I don't think we have any but just in case my lawyers made me put that part in there. So now that I got that out of the way lets fucking do this!!

Ok, so we start with a late night at the old office. Bryan Dunkle, Adam Darvick and myself were there late working and I was talking to them about how their calls were going. Dunkle was talking when Adam just blurted out:

Adam: Come on crackers lets do this
Dunkle and I both taken aback by the shouted of that statement
Adam: (talking about a list of names) I am going down on all of these 2010 grads. (I think he was in the moment but still he knew what was coming)
Me: Thats What She Said

So this second story occured Thursday. I was in Matt Frese's office talking about my exciting night plans (I must take this time out to give my congrats to David and Sarah on their engagement) as I was saying we were talking about our night plans and I was mentioning how excited I was for some new 30 Rock which as Dunkle had told me earlier in the week won an emmy for best comedy. Great. So we were talking about the show and I said I was glad to have a night in and this TWSS was born.

Me: I am just going to lay on the couch, eat some food and play with my puppy.
Frese: Thats What She Said
Me: ?

To best explain this and I think you all will get a kick out of this. Take out your cell phone (oh come on I know you have one) start a a text message and put the setting on iTAP or whatever auto write system your phone has. Type in "Come out tonight pussy" and see what you get. Go ahead I'll wait a minute.

Told ya. Well I hope that clears it up. If it doesnt then go back to the story and re-read it. If it still does not make sense, well then your just a stupid puppy! Enjoy the weekend.

Friday December 7th - TWSS

Finally the long anticipated return of Thats What She Said Friday is back and ready to make you feel uncomfortable. As promised we have two great stories for you this week. Although first let me take a moment and wish a very happy Hanukkah to all of the chosen people out there. Enjoy a latke or two and I hope all of your dreidel spins land on Gimel. Ok now that I have made my lawyers happy I can move on to this week's TWSS.

The first of our two stories come from a poker game that has been in the making for two years. Or that is how long it has been since I have actually played cards. The other night 11 of us addicts (for the rest of the story I will refer to these types of people as gamblers) got together with the intention on playing some cards for money [I am sure a few of us thought we were playing strip poker (I know I wore extra clothes for that purpose)]. Anyway we got together and as the cards were being tossed around and chips moved from one side of the table to the other (but never returned GARRETT!!!) this TWSS moment came into existence. The set up that you all need to know is that Brad was dealing the cards and after everyone got them Kurt decided that it was his turn to bet (it was not his turn nor will it ever be) and that is where I leave you:

The cards are dealt everyone is looking at their hands and waiting for the first person to act. Out of turn Kurt bets:

Russ: That was a little premature wasn't it?
Grant: Thats What She Said, and it wasn't your bet.

Terrific.

Now coming from the collection of great office TWSS. This one comes from a conversation with Adam and myself. Early one morning he came over to my desk (I like to call it the Death Star) and asked if I could help him get the back of his phone of so he could read a serial number. As the manly man that I am I decided that this would be a problem. As I struggled mightily to get the back of his phone open these TWO TWSS were born.



Me: I can't get it off
Adam: Thats What She Said

30 seconds later

Adam: This is way too hard
Me: Thats What She Said

Well folks it feels great to be back and if I hadn't mentioned this I miss you all. I think we all just had a moment there. Well tune in next week for another installment of your favorite real life to blog stories. Have a great week. Remember you can email me your stories at: ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com.

Sorry for the Delay

Sorry for the absence of TWSS. Over the Thanksgiving break there was no access to a computer and I have been in Oklahoma City this week. I promise to have at least two stories of TWSS for this weeks post. Thanks.

Friday November 16 - TWSS

This week we are all about Woody (Thats What She Said). We have two TWSS stories that use Woody "Steven" Wingfield as the punch line for the TWSS. However, before we start I want to first mention that The Office this week had a great TWSS moment. You need to get your TiVo working to record that so you can check it out if you missed it this week.

The first story starts at about 6:30 PM when I brought some donuts from Dunkin' Donuts to help the remaining workers get through the rest of the day. This is where the story starts:

Me: Did you get a donut?
Woody: Yea and it gave me a little surprise
Me: Oh, you didn't know it was a Boston Creme donut?
Woody: No, I didn't I bit down and all of a sudden I had creme in my mouth...
Me: Thats What She Said

The next story comes from Josh Sunday. He submitted this to me and again it involves Woody and his crazy antics.

Woody: Cough, sneeze (does this for a little and its uncontrollable)
Sunday: Wow, Woody, you're always dying over there
Woody: Yea, something is always coming up or going down
Schilling: Thats What She Said

I think what makes this story even funnier is that both Matt Frese and myself heard the end TWSS from the front of the office and we both laughed. Anyways that has been another installment of TWSS. Check back next week. Enjoy

Friday November 9th - TWSS

Welcome back kids and the few parents that are hip enough to get this blog. This week we will explore the world of Pee Wee Football. The other day after Garrett, Howie and Brandon finished up with their music making, the four of us decided to go and support local music at an open mic night at Cocoa Lane. As we were driving to the event talks about the past weekend came up and Brandon explained why he didn't go on a trip to Delaware for Pumpkin Chunkin. He explained that as a first time ref he couldn't call out from doing his job. This got us on the discussion of Pee Wee football and as I digress gets us to this weeks TWSS.

Me: Do you keep your whistle in your mouth when your running up the field?
Me: Have you ever blown it when a cool play happened and you blew it because you thought it was awesome?

Brandon: No, I keep it in my hand, the older refs don't like it in my mouth because they don't want me to go early.
Me: That's What She Said

I know it is gettnig to the end of the year and people are trying not to write more emails then they have too, but come on people email me your funny TWSS moments I know you have them and I will expose it to the world (TWHS I am that good I can do a gendered switch TWSS).

Friday November 2 - TWSS

Happy November everyone. I hope everyone recovered from Halloween I know it was one we will all somewhat remember for a long time. This week's TWSS comes from Matt Frese, who happened to say 1. He will never have his picture taken and put up on the website and 2. He would never give me a good TWSS because he already had a Thats What She Said site. Well when push comes to shove I have a picture of Matt and this week he gave us the TWSS statement. Anyways I digress. I needed to get a red pen to sign some letters going out and this is where we begin our story:

Me: Darvick do you have a red pen?
Darvick: Yea
Me: Can I borrow it for a minute
Adam throws it over to my desk with no warning
Me: Whoa man
Darvick: Did I hit you?
Me: No, I just didn't expect it to come that fast
Frese from his office
Frese: Thats What She Said

Thanks Matt. I hope you continue to provide more and more great moments. Also thanks for everyone sending in their stories. See you next week.

Friday October 26 - TWSS

This week's enstallment of the famously popular Thats What She Said Friday is brought to you by two different groups of people in my life but who continue to provide some great TWSS material. The first story happened during the workday on Thursday. Brian, John and myself were in John's new office just hanging out when Brian wanted to show John the video he put together of Clint Hurdle the manager of the Colorado Rockies (Check out the video) and as John was watching this TWSS discourse occured.

After the video stopped somewhat suddenly
John: is that it?
Brian: yea it just kinda ends there
My back is to them looking at some gear
John: how do you make it bigger (in reference to the size of the video window)
Me: Thats What She Said....just give it a little rub

The second of the two stories this week comes from a friendly game of cards that Howie, Lauren, Garrett and myself were playing. We were sitting around the table just playing differnt card games when we decided to play some Iron Cross. For those who do not know Iron Cross is where everyone is dealt three hole (cards that are face down) and there are five cards dealt in the middle of the table in the shape of a cross. Two of the outside cards usually the top and the right side of the cross are flipped over. The next thing you do is declare if you want one of the rows that the flipped over cards are in, the cards that are showing, or the cards that are face down still. The object is to make the best five card poker hand. Anyways as the game was being dealt I flipped over the two up cards on the cross who both happened to be Jacks. This is where the story begins:

After I flipped the two Jacks over Garrett looks down at his hand:

Garrett: Whoever has a Jack in their hole will be pretty happy
20 seconds of silence
Lauren: Thats What She Said

Thanks for tuning or should I say logging in. But again we need your help. Please email me your funny TWSS stories so we can share them with the world. Thanks. That email again is ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com

Friday October 19 - TWSS

Hello again. This week we have a one TWSS moment that I would like to share with you.
Ironically it involves Dunder Mifflin's competitor Staples. At the office this week my fellow employee Josh Sunday (not to be confused with Josh Friday). We were working on getting out some information to coaches for one of our Under Armour National Tryouts. I am sitting at my desk and Josh brings over a Staples box with the information that we will be sending out. I was busy finishing up another project when he dropped it off and had my back turned. This is how the conversation went.

Josh: Here is the information for the coaches in Tampa.
Me: Thanks I will get to it when I get finished with this
Josh: Ok I am also going to print out and bring over Miami's stuff
Me: How will I know which one is which?
Josh: I wrote Tampa on the top
Me: Nice, way to use that box
Josh: (Whilst walking away) Thats What She Said

Thanks for the submissions this week. We need more. Send them to ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com and I will put the best ones on the site. Also tell your friends to join the online sensation before it becomes a national craze like going to rehab.

Friday October 12th - TWSS

So today we have two very special TWSS stories. The first one (which is short but sweet) actually comes from my night on Thursday October 11th. Marc was in town to see a Moe show and Ryan was in town for the night before heading down to Duke for homecoming. As we decided what we wanted to do, we decided we would go to Baltimore to try to see everyone. As we packed into Garrett's car a 2004 Hyundai Elantra we were trying to put on our seatbelts and this great TWSS was born. The car situation is Garrett is driving and Ryan has the shotgun position leaving, myself, Lauren and Howie in the back. Both Howie and I notice we dont have our restraints on and thought we probably should have them on, because if you do not you could die. As Howie and I tried to put our seatbelts on in the very compact backseat this was muttered.

Howie: I got it in but it just came right out
Lauren: Thats What She Said

Disclaimer: Please be safe, where a seatbelt its our law. Click it or Ticket

The second story comes from my office courtesy of Adam "The Mantis" Darvick. As Adam, Josh and myself were talking about the new shows on TV this fall, I mentioned the new show Cavemen, in disgust Adam quickly tried to say how bad the show was and this TWSS occured.

Josh: Heroes was totally sweet last night
Dave: yea man it was good
Adam: I think Chuck is pretty good
Dave: yea I like that too
Dave: what about Cavemen
Adam: Cadt....Cavth....Cavemest...I cant even get it out of my mouth its so bad
Dave: Thats What She Said

This has been a very nice week of TWSS we got a lot of different stories in, but I want even more. Please email me stories long or short it doesn't matter (Thats What She Said) and I will decide if its worthy to put up on the site. Email ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com. Thanks and have a great weekend.

Friday October 5th - TWSS

So this weeks that's what she said comes from a friend who needs not to be mentioned...this friend would like to remain unknown because they just watched Curb Your Enthusiasm (Episode 52 - The Anonymous Donor) hence the unknown factor. Anyways I digress here in as best as I can retell is the best TWSS of the week:

To help you experience the scene at the time my friend who we shall call "Friend X" and his Roommate who we shall call "Roommate" are sitting in their TV room (I would have said Family Room but I don't know the politically correct name for it, everyone calls it something else) anyways sorry for the many tangets, so both of them are sitting in the TV room in the dark playing on X-Box, playing a game called Hitman 2 or something...thats not important...what is important is that they are playing this game...well actually only "Friend X" is playing "Roommate" is watching and backseat playing...as they play this classic TWSS occus

Friend X: Ok, got him in my sight get ready to die
Roommate: Hurry up he is going to turn around (referring to the guy about to be "Hit")
Friend X: Shut up, I like to enjoy the moment
Roommate: Whack him off already!!!
Friend X: That's What She Said!
Both: ha ha ha

I must point out because of the big intro I wouldnt be doing my job if I didnt tell you how the mission went. Because of TWSS "that guy" turned around and "Friend X" had to start the "hit" again.

Thanks again for a wonderful start to Thats What She Said Friday's I look forward to recieving more and more wonderful stories so I can share...email me at ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com

What is "Thats What She Said Friday?"

Let me first explain if you do not know what "Thats what She Said" is then you probably will not like this Blog...

But if you choose to continue reading then I will explain...this saying which is almost as well known as the "Happy Birthday" song...however as the Happy Birthday song no one knows who wrote that,. .Thats What She Said was coined by Michael Scott (Steve Carell) the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin - Scranton branch.

This wizard of paper supplies coined this phrase in all of its glory.

This blog will be dedicated to stories in "real" life situations. Please submit your stories and Friday (hence the Thats What She Said Friday blog) I will post the funniest ones of the week. Email ThatsWhatSheSaidFriday@gmail.com